Original Prankster

soooo tired of this

Thu, 25 May 2006 16:37:01 GMT

so i havent updated in a while. guess thats because nothing new has happened. i go to doctors and they tell me nothing. they cant find whats wrong. so guess what...

tomorrow i will be going to the ER in pittsburg to be admitted to the hospital. it seems i am only getting worse according to tests but apparently my doctors think that i can wait 3 weeks for results of things and then try something new. i have no appetite, my stomach is always the size of a balloon and i cant walk on my own im so weak.

im scared to death. i hate to admit it but im petrified. daddy is taking my tomorrow afternoon but he has to leave that night so i think ill be alone till saturday at some point. i dont know how long ill be there but visitors are always welcome just ask me when i get there what the deal is. my cell WILL BE ON...or else id really go nuts

Mon, 24 Apr 2006 19:09:17 GMT

i have some bad news...for me anyway.

i went to see the doc today. gasticwhatever to find out about my scope. well not only do i have to get a scope from both ends but they ordered a ultrasound for my pancreas and my liver but another blood test.

the blood test needed 14 viles of blood. and i fainted in the chair. i hate the smell of ammonia. ANYWAY so the results show that my iron level has gone down. so now tomorrow i need a blood transfusion. im scare of getting aids and dying.

oh and im down to 123 in weight. and i swear the doctor said i was anorexic...that fucker, i wish i could eat!

gassssssss

Wed, 05 Apr 2006 20:48:36 GMT

so i got more fun renee news.

as we all know im very very sick. well, if you have come over im sure you have complained about a gas smell. we had it "fixed" about 2 months after we moved in. it was "fixed" but the turn of a valve by our furnace. well last night we called again about the smell and the same guys game out. after checking everything REALLY GOOD (sarcasm) he decides that the same valve is loose. well i ask if the valve could come loose with time and he says no. i say thats funny bc thats what you tightened last time you were here to fix this. all this time my dad is on the phone listening and bitching. keep in mind im home alone! so anyway i insist they call the gas company. what do you know....WE HAVE A LEAK. the guy from the gas company couldnt believe how stupid the other guy was.

so now im BACK to the doctors to see if thats why im so sick. yup how LOVELY. if it is....holy shit im sueing. like no freaking other.

im still feeling bad, more tired then ever and so weak i get out of breath walking to one class or even from my car to the apartment. i have nothing.

Fri, 31 Mar 2006 17:39:39 GMT

quick thought

some people are so into themselves they dont care when their "friends" are extremely sick. cars, drinking, relationships, themselves.

cant you fucking leave a message or call? no? not friends? good for the health!

i just dont give a shit anymore....

some "sick" news

Wed, 29 Mar 2006 01:11:24 GMT

i know i havent updated in a while. i guess i have a really good reason. im really sick.

it all started 4 months ago and kinda never went away. i went to my family doctor (richard stigliano) 3 times and i am still sick. he only gave me pills for what I thought may be wrong. so i kinda gave up and just prayed i could fix it myself. yeah...no. so i went and finally got blood work. it turns out that i am EXTREMELY anemic. the normal count for iron in your blood is 12-15 and mine is 6 and there was something else i was lacking in but i forgot. i also have a very high level of pheritines (whatever i have NO idea what they are) i just know they are caused by stress, lack of exercise, and poor diet. speaking of poor diet i have lost 20 lbs so i actually look sickly. i also tested positive for MAYBE having stomach ulcers therefore in a month i get a tube stuck down my throat to see. and the best news is that on thursday since i am so sick i have to have a 6-7 hour iron iv treatment. i will be locked in a room with an iv slowly putting the right amount of iron in my body. and the bag is big. matt is taking the day off and i cant believe it. god i dont know what i would do without him. im missing so much school its pathetic. apparently i let it get to the worst stage of all this or something bc all the docs are kinda freaking out.

on a good note i have a new job where i take care of sweet old ladies and watch their tv or do homework. all i do is get their food and help them walk and to the bathroom. easy 7 bucks and hour.

but im sick so feel bad for me :)

Sun, 19 Feb 2006 18:22:29 GMT

so i finally quit tic toc. walked out this morning. and now i really need a job! someone help!

Fri, 17 Feb 2006 03:31:49 GMT

today turned out good

really good

i def didnt see that coming

i have a smile on my face, it feels weird but i like it!

thank you

Thu, 16 Feb 2006 18:56:45 GMT

so my last entry was pretty emotional for me but i cant help it. thats what i am not. im stressed to the point where i cant take another thing on my shoulders.

i want so much to be happy and secure. but with everything going on i cant grasp it. its almost at the tip of my fingers. i just feel like i have no control over parts of my life.

i dont understand friends anymore. things were supposed to be unconditional or whatever but thats not the case. i know im at fault bc i do grow angry easily but why would ppl do certain things. and if maybe you think im misunderstood on what you do or why im angry at you, a friend would take the time to find out or help me understand. and no one can blame for not calling them bc i dont hear my phone ringing. instead of blowing off things for my wedding to eat wings or bowl...invite me! it would piss me off a lot less.

im sorry that this is all blowing off steam but really the only things that make me happy are matt, my family, and my friends that...well...you know. but its time for lab!

bye ppl

Tue, 14 Feb 2006 15:58:08 GMT

hey ya'll. just thought i would throw in a usless update that no one reads or anything.

so the next three weeks are going to be hell because i have 3 exams, 2 papers, 1 acting scene to perform with a professor and 1 research project due. the three exams all go in order: monday-social psychlogy; tuesday-personality; wednesday-sociology. so yeah. try not to get stressed!~

weddings comin up pretty fast. got things to do. but i dont sleep through the meetings IM supposed to go to or skip things to bowl. but oh well, i need to care. but i sadly dont. which brings me to my next point.

ive been so stressed bc of everything and everyone that im done. i want to be happy and ignorant. and thats the truth. if i just ignore the stupid crap...im happy. i dont care what you think bc you havent taken the wax out of your ears to hear me. if everyone can be all about themselves or....me too!

on a lighter note things are crazy. im actually calming down so its nice. im able to budget my time and relax. go me

well its time for good ol westminster badmitton

Wed, 08 Feb 2006 20:18:07 GMT

so we are visiting chris saturDAY

anyone wanna come?

this is kinda sad

Tue, 07 Feb 2006 20:56:34 GMT

so ive been sick...no one knows bc no one asks. my fault.

here are things that i wish

i wish i didnt flip out about school

i wish i was so concided that i dont recognize ppl hate me

i wish that i was so blind that i dont see how i hurt ppl

i wish that i had no morals (just imagine)

i wish i was eating more

i wish i havent lost 9 lbs in 3 weeks, i feel so unhealthy

i wish i could look past ppl

i wish that i wasnt sensitive

i wish i didnt have tear ducts

i wish i cared more about myself than anyone

i wish i only had a job to worry about

i wish i acted my age

i wish i had a childhood

i wish ppl understood me

i wish ppl knew me

i wish i knew ppl

i wish laundry didnt exist

i wish i was more worried about my car being pretty more than anything else

i wish i was happy

i wish i didnt let the little things eat at me

i wish i stood up for more things

i wish i wanted more

i wish i wasnt tired

i wish i liked food like i used to

i wish i was better to look at in the mirror

i wish i could punch ppl that i want to whenever i want to

i wish my temper didnt show like the one above

i wish i could say certain things to certain ppl then take them back

i wish i could let go

i wish i had a heart

i wish other ppl had hearts

i wish ppl werent so wrapped up in themselves

i wish i could watch the rest of the gauntlet II before anyone else

i wish i could stay up past 11

i wish i could sleep later than 8

i wish i didnt think i need 9 hours of sleep a day

i wish i had another way to say what i feel

i wish i didnt need to say what i feel

i wish i didnt have a wedding to plan

i wish i wasnt so in love that i want to get married

i wish matt and i were like when we first got together

i wish i didnt feel as if i was in a rut

i wish i was better

i wish i didnt rely on medication

i wish i didnt pay 40 a month for birth control

i wish my classes were easier

i wish i had all the answers

ok, so if you think that was all useless, im hoping its not. i wanted to get everything that ive been pondering for so long and i really think is making myself sick. i want to get better and i think if i can just let these go ill be ok. or let 75% of them go. i know im not alone, i know im angry, and i know others are as well.

things need to change. i need to change. but im so tired and i almost dont care, but i dont want to give up on myself. being depressed is a bitch but im not going to live like this forever. who could??

Sun, 05 Feb 2006 02:02:35 GMT

i guess its about time i update. i do finally have the internet in the apartment. FINALLY.

things with matt and i are absolutely great. never really been better you could say. we are both getting really excited about the wedding and everything and basically just happy to be together. money is really tight concidering tic toc has been cutting hours and matt got a 2 day suspension.

well, ive been sick. for months now on and off. it can go away for a week but the same thing will come back. so i finally went to the doctor and they told me i stressed myself out enough to be sick. so its all my fault. yup. so he gave me anti depressants that im not taking ( and i dont want your opinion on that) and some nerve meds that knock me out. i have felt so bad and sad and just empty lately and its hard. matt and i are doing really good bc he is there to pick me up all the time. we are going to fight this together.

on an upside matts gettin 1800 for his taxes back, we are paying off my car! go us!

so thats all, im up dating bc i dont really talk to anyone. me being sick isnt the whole reason im sure but its an excuse. thats all we need. an excuse.

Sat, 31 Dec 2005 21:33:47 GMT

well its been forever since i updated. this COULD be bc i dont have the net. im supposed to be getting it in like a week or more. right after we get home from celebrating xmas in WV. yeah, better late then never. my xmas blew so im hoping this makes up for it.

its new years eve! i guess im going to a party that my boss is throwing. its should be great. def not going to the camp. no reason to mention why now, but i can say ive learned a few things about a few ppl and im just not into it anymore. kinda sucks that matt will be at work when the ball drops tho.

on a lighter note i got my grades! i just decided to look. i got 3 As and 2 Bs. and this is why i dont hang out during the semester anymore. i care about my grades and my future and it pays off! yeah so im damn proud of myself.

i have an interview at ponderosa at 2 on monday but i dont know if im going. i dont really know what i want to do about a job, it would be a def pay cut ya know. so i guess i got some thinkins.

well thats all

Thu, 15 Dec 2005 21:01:14 GMT

You Are Dasher

You're an independent minded reindeer who never plays by the rules.

Why You're Naughty: That little coup you tried to stage against Santa last year

Why You're Nice: You secretly give naughty children presents.

Which of Santa's Reindeer Are You?

yeah, i have a final that i may not go to tomorrow and im doing this

Wed, 14 Dec 2005 16:16:37 GMT

should be studying....BUT

1* First grade teacher's name: i dont remember

2* Last word you said: shit

3* Last song you sang: haha...billies blues by holiday! studying for a music final

4* Last person you hugged: matt

5* Last thing you laughed at: i just laughed at the song i sang

6* Last time you said I don't remember: i just TYPED it

7* Last time you cried: my bday :(

*PRESENT*

9* What color socks are you wearing: white

10* What's under your bed: boxes

11* What time did you wake up today: 630

12* Current taste: v8 splash

13* Current hair: straight

15* Current annoyance: i freaking am annoyed by finals

16* Current longing: to be done with finals

17* Current desktop background: um, some westminster deal

18* Current worry: finals

19* Current hate: finals squared

20* Current favorite article of clothing: my new hoodie

21* Favorite physical feature of the opposite sex: i cant remember seeing it

22* Last CD that you listened to: the one i made to study for a music final

23* Favorite place to be: in my bed

24* Least favorite place: work and class are dead even

25* Time you wake up in the morning?: normally 8

26* If you could play an instrument, what would it be? violin

27* Favorite color: orange

28* Do you believe in an afterlife: something like that

29* How tall are you: 5 ft. 5 inches

30* Current favorite word/saying: what?

31*Favorite book: some stephen king books

32* Favorite season: spring

33* One person from your past you wish you could go back and talk to: keith

*FUTURE*

35* Where do you want to go for college? not here

36* What is your career going to be like: money

37* How many kids do you want: 2 if not none

*HAVE YOU EVER...*

39* Said "I love you" and meant it: yea

40* Gotten in a fight with your dog/cat/bird/fish, etc:my fucking rat is the king shitter

41* Been to New York: no

42* Been to Florida: no

43* Been to California: born there bitches

44* Been to Hawaii: no

45* Been to Mexico: no

46* Been to China: no

48* Dreamed something really crazy and then it happened the next day: no, but that would be cool

52* Do you have a crush on someone: i dont know if getting married to the person you love mean i got a crush on him, but if it does...yea

53* What book are you reading now?: some psych shit

54* Worst feeling in the world: rejection and lonliness

55* What is the first thing you think when you wake in the morning?: i gotta pee

56* How many rings before you answer: i like the whole song so a lot

57* Future daughter's name: dont know

58* Future son's name: i guess matt claims the first son so its gonna be matthew stephen borsa jr

59* Do you sleep with a stuffed animal: body pillow bc of my rib

60* If you could have any job you wanted: prof tv watcher or food tester

61* Wish you were here: 14

62* Where's 62? hot dogs

63* Piercings: ears tongue

64* Do you do drugs: no

65* Do you drink: nope

67* What kind of Shampoo and Conditioner do you use?: that fruitis stuff

68* What are you most scared of?: being alone

69* What clothes do you sleep in: now a pair of shorts.

70* Who is the last person that called you: hmmm...let me check my cell...matt, but i didnt answer

71* Where do you want to get married: outside, but i didnt win that fight

72* If you could change anything about yourself what would that be: my temper and my thunder thighs, maybe my preg lookin belly

73* Who do you really hate: hmm so manyyyyyyyy

74* Been In Love: ya

75* Are you timely or always late: often late, dad tells me that something starts a half hour before it usually does so im on time

76* Do you have a job: ya

77* Do you like being around people: depends on who they are

78* Best feeling in the world: a nice long hot shower.......maybe sometihng else that i dont know about

79* Are you for world peace: why not

80* Are you a health freak: no im dying right now

81* Do you have a "Type" of person you always go after: i cant say i do....

82* Do you want someone you don't have?: if i did, getting married would be a BAD IDEA

83* Are you lonely right now: a little

84* Ever afraid you'll never get married: haha, um..may

85* Do you want to get married: sometimes

86* Do you want kids? not really, but ill lose that bet too

*IN THE LAST 48 HOURS, HAVE YOU...*

87* Cried: almost

88* Bought Something: 250 on my eyes

89* Gotten Sick: YEAH

90* Sang: yea

91* Said I Love You: i dont know

92* Wanted To Tell Someone You Liked them: no

93* Met Someone: um, i meet new ppl at work all the time

94* Moved On: no

95* Talked To Someone: no im a hermit..OFCOARSE

96* Had A Serious Talk: yeah,. but it failed...going for #2 today

97* Missed Someone: everyday of my life

98* Hugged Someone: ya

99* Yelled at Someone: Iits renee...come on!

100* Dreamed About Someone You Can't Be With: no

that was depressing

Wed, 14 Dec 2005 14:31:11 GMT

i had a revelation the other day....IM 20

yea
not 30
not 40

im not even married yet why act like ive been married for 25 years? i stay home and do nothing. i should be going out. i should be getting into trouble. but no, i dont. ever. things seriously need to change. i hate that i feel so old and feel like i have to be so mature. thats not really fair. dont we all think i had to grow up really early bc of my past? well, its time to stop and have fun. i WILL go out with you guys for new years. i want too...actually i need to. ive been so sick and i got even sicker so i havent left the apartment again. i just stay on the couch and think of all the things i cant eat. its so gay. i got finals this week so its gonna be boring. i plan on going out sat night with some girls from work so that should be a reward.

yeah im sick again. i dont know why. i can keep some food down, just all depending if i can get it down to begin with. my dinner las tnight was a BIG apple. yeah, that was it. i woke up wanting to throw up. so i had another apple on the way to school..its still down.

2 finals down

2 to go....THE HARDEST ONES OF MY LIFE

Mon, 12 Dec 2005 16:20:05 GMT

so yesterday was my bday and i spent most of it crying

heres why
1. matt was really mean and hurt my feelings...a lot

2. i had NO idea tyler wrecked another bmw...it kills me bc i dont see my friends, break is going to be way different!

3. i miss my daddy, he came to see me and it reminds me that he left

4. i miss keith

i have come to realize i hate my bday. it is never what i want it to be. but thanks to my friends i did have some fun last night. my life savers, and my dad too. i was so happy he came to see me! it meant the world to me, he took me to red lobster where i had the feast. lobster tail, crab legs and shrimp scampi! WOW! sooo good. i think matts taking me to the outback tonight for some steak. probably to make up for yesterday.

my license expires today. so yeah. i should work on that.

i final down....3 to go.
2 quizzes left too.

Fri, 09 Dec 2005 17:27:40 GMT

hi ya'll

so i just went from almost cryin to being in a pretty good mood. finals are next week for much of us i suppose. and SHIT IM FUCKED. but on the bright side, my bday is sunday. my dad is coming to spend it with me and i will be studying? wait? is that the bright side?

NO. i have been sick and just am getting over it. it was yucky. ldidnt leave the apartment for almost a whole week. missed 2/3rds of the last week of classes. and soooo behind? is that the bright side?

NO. i dont have one, im just in a good mood. i dont want to be irritated, so im not. i got too much to worry about so i decided that taking it a day at a time is the best way. i refuse to get over whelmed. not my style anymore.

good luck to all on finals!

some friends!

Fri, 02 Dec 2005 17:37:01 GMT

so yesterday was the first day of my birthday month! NO ONE CALLED TO WISH ME HAPPY BIRTHDAY. everyday ppl! a whole month! why? bc im freaking sweet! GOSH! so yeah, day 2 and no one has called. what the hell is going on here?!

SOME FRIENDS at least my family remembered!

Tue, 22 Nov 2005 00:06:36 GMT

so 2 in 1 day!!!!go me! im actually sitting at matts bros house playin on his internet bc matt and his bro are playing video games. no seriously...

so im doing poprocky's thingy

1. What is your Boyfriend/girlfriends name? Matthew Stephen Borsa

2. What color underwear are you wearing now? NONE!

3. What are you listening to right now? matt and his bro playin some car game

4. What are the first 3 digits in your phone number? 866

5. What was the last thing you ate? a slim jim (I SWEAR! we just bought the 24 pack bc im OBSESSED!)

6. If you were a crayon what color would you be? mac and cheese!

7. How is the weather right now? freezing with a hint of cold

8. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? Eileens Bridal

9. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? teeth..sorry to say im shallow

10. Favorite type of Food? type...can i just say crab legs

11. Do you drink? if you are referring to injesting liquids, yet...alcohol? NO

12. Do you smoke? nope

13. Ever get so drunk you don't remember what you did? yeah....kitchen angels

14. Hair color? brown, blonde, red...i like variety

15.Eye color? greenish

16. Do you wear contacts? yup speaking of which i totally need to hit up wal mart for an exam

17. Favorite Holiday? my birthday

18.Favorite Month? may has been newly crowned my fav month...my second birthday!

19. Have you ever cried for no reason? im renee...come 'on

20. What was the last movie you watched? hrmmm...its been a while i think family guy movie

21. Favorite Day of the Year? dec 11th my bday!

22. Are u too shy to ask someone out? hell no......give me a break

23.If you could say something to someone you like right now what would it be? GET YOUR DRESSES FITTED GIRLS!

24. Hugs or Kisses? kisses

25. Chocolate or Vanilla? chocolate

26. Do you want your friends to respond? yeah sure they wont, but sure

27. Who is most likely to respond? bethany...shes sweet like that

28. Who is least likely to respond? ppl who dont have livejournal

29. What books are you reading? learning and memory....deviance....western music....etc etc etc

30. Piercings? yeah, ears and tongue ( almost closed )

31. Favorite Movie? CRYBABY and thats before johnny depp was hot shit

32. Favorite Soccer Team? um, the one that pele was on ;)

33. What were you doing before this? wishing i could shove my head into a wall instead of watch them play games.

34. Any pets? a fishy named killer and a rat named spud (but hush hush, apt cant have animals)

35. AIM? HA, yeah i do, but no internet so im NEVER on

6. Butter, Plain or Salted popcorn? can i have 2 of those?

37. Dogs or cats? dogs...I LOVE THE SMELL! just more damn fun

38. Favorite Flower? orange

39. Have you ever been caught doing something you weren't supposed to? oh, i got a list that could take a year

40. Are you taken or single? taken...hell im engaged!

41. Have you ever loved someone? thats one of the prerequisites

42. Who would you like to meet? hmm....God.

44. Have you ever fired a gun? yeah, my damn uncles said i was a pussy when i didnt want to, so i did

45. Do you like to travel by plane? yeah it was cool...i always did it alone tho

46. Right-handed or Left-handed? right....no seriously i knew that

47. If you could be with someone right now, who would it be? im with him!

48. How many pillows do you sleep with? does matt count as a pillow?

49. Are you missing someone? my bro....rip!

50. Do you have a Tattoo? yeah and i want another and i want to add to the one i have!

Mon, 21 Nov 2005 16:49:27 GMT

ok this is always quick.

i cant bowl bc of my rib..! DUH!

bethie...leah...GO GET FITTED FOR YOUR DRESSES! just go in, tell your name, my name and youll get fitted!

today and tuesday stand in my way before break

i work on thanksgiving! why the hell not right?

goin to WV friday, saturday, and sunday! i wont be taking any phone calls! suckers!

wing night tomorrow! seriously! ill be using my gift card that i stole off of one of you. cant remember who tho!

Tue, 15 Nov 2005 17:19:38 GMT

so this is just full of updates

*i love matt
*i also love chocolate covered cerries and string cheese
*my rat is currently under my cupboards in my kitchen and i cant get him out
*all of my friends are going to have to participate in my psych experiment or else
*life is way to short and this is all bullshit

so i just got done reading poprocky's livejournal. my jaw dropped. nothing in life is fair really. and im coming to terms with that. and we all should. i dont have anything profound to say. there is really nothing to say at times like these. you never the what the day that lies ahead will bring you. highschool is a funny thing. i see some sville ppl that i didnt really talk to while there and act like they dont exsist or they dont matter. and i know we all have done these things. almost try to disassociate ourselves with certain things and ppl. but all in all we will come together and find eachother again. just not always under circumstances that we want to or that are right.

so im ending this here.

rip harry

Wed, 09 Nov 2005 17:14:50 GMT

this will be a quickie bc im trying to work but i want it to be known that i used livejournal for a psychology experiment FOR COLLEGE! yeah, i used the list of moods on here for my mood induction checklist. and by the way...you all will be doin my experiment. i NEED A GOOD GRADE

ps...matt was happy with the party :)

Tue, 01 Nov 2005 17:57:10 GMT

wow..finally taking a break. ive been totally hitting the books for like a week straight. im sitting in lauras room trying not to feel bad that im not studying. oh well...i got a lot done. so i dont care. so my days goin ok...last night...not so much. just a bad night, ended up sleepin on the living room floor. alone and cold with a killer back ache. this getting married thing can be a bitch sometimes. but im still learning. just got a lot to still learn.

got the wedding rings yesterday and only spend a couple hundred. not bad, we are happy with what we got. matt was jealous of my ring and wanted pretty diamonds too, so he got 9. i think i got 9 more too. really small, but we wont bring that up again. i think both were 1/4 carat each. we put $2 on em! whoo hoo!

we are going to look at flowers for the wedding tonight. i already planned the bouquets....no orange flowers there, sorry :) but the rest are totally gonna be orange. let me just tell you that its hard to find orange around these parts, i guess its not really a popular color. oh well right?

so most of my xmas shopping is done. i have matt and my uncle left. im so proud of myself this year. go me~

school this week =hell. so i have named this week Hell Week. 3 exams, 3 quizzes, and a formal research proposal in APA style. what a bitch eh. i am really just worrying about the last 2 exams. but im workin hard! or hardly working HAHAH. slash i wish

the new system at tic toc is teh BOMB. once again, slash i wish. its ok, but i press wrong buttons and cant fix it. and the NOISE oh my lord the noise. you would think my ears would bleed everyday.

peace home-fries on my home-skillet

Tue, 25 Oct 2005 17:22:14 GMT

hi ya'll...yeah, im just sittin in the lib waiting for laura to get done draining her blood. i got a lot on my mind. ive actually had a lot on my mind for some time now.

first of all...school is so overwhelming all the time. i just try to keep myself ahead of it all and on top of the big things. i just want to give up.

i got a lot of things i need to work on or change in my life. ive grown up so much its crazy. penis jokes arent funny any more. kind of pathetic at that. its so sad for me. the lover of all things dirty. id rather plan my wedding or the rest of my life. why am i such a hot head? i get so upset and take things so personal. why? bc thats all ive ever known. how can someone reverse 18 years of their life? but im on the right track with matts help. and he is allowing me to grow into what i should be. not what ive always been.

this brings me to my next biggie. i was really hurt/devistated the other day. one of the better friends feels that i am unreliable and basically pointed out the thing that i hate the most about myself. to me? no she def didnt to me. but this isnt the first time or the first person this has happened to. why is it that you cant accept a person for who they are? why cant you be ok with a persons faults? why cant you ignore them or just move on from them? everyone in my life does something that i dont like or that makes me irritated, but i dont go around discussing this with my dad or my toher friends? why? bc if i feel teh need to do that, the person must mean nothing more to me than the bad things. and for being unreliable...are you kiddding me? i am the one person ppl should see as reliable. as a friend no matter what situation, i will be there for you. ask anyone. take my relationship with greg, we dont get along for what reason who knows, but i bet if you ask him if he wanted to call me just to talk if he thinks i would answer and be there for him. same with him, if i needed him, he'd be there. thats just what it is with us (for example). if you really feel this way about me? why even ACT like you care or want to be a friend. thats not what i want or deserve.
i know that i get really mad really easy and i also know that i get mad for really dumb reasons. but havent i always been this way? why harp on it now. why talk to eachother about it. i am here with a couple ears...talk to me. if you really want to be someones friend, you have to take the faults with the strengths. or atleast provide some foundation for whatever it is you feel like being two faced about this week.
now dont get me wrong, i do my share of bitching and venting about my friends, but im not afriad to stick up for em either. ive done it many a time. i cant say that for this person. she not only sits there and lets things be said but she joins in. and the sick thing is, she has done it about ALL her friends and we all know about it. we finally got together and figured it out.

just so everyone knows. this wedding will happen. i dont know why you would think that matt and i wouldnt go through with it. or why you would even try to break it down? but DO NOT say how ppl shouldnt make plans for my wedding and then ask me 100 questions about it. that sucks for me. think about how that would feel. dont you think its about time something works out in my life. dont we all know that i have suffered enough and really deserve this.

i know that you guys who will read this will probably understand what im talking about or just say renee is spouting off again. but not really. its just something that bothers me. it doesnt make me mad only bc ive known she does this to everyone...i guess i just didnt think me. i always that i was a good friend to her and always have been there for her. but i guess her own lack of personality and experience makes her think that she is better then us all. well, just so you know...we all know whaty you say about us and we are all tired of it. and if you dont llike who we are and all that we are..maybe you should find a perfect person who is just like yourself.

on a lighter note i stayed up for 24 hrs from sat to sun and had a blast with the ppl at the house! it was great. i had the BEST talk with bethie and amber and realized that im not as messed up as i thought! thanks girls!! SKY HIGH!!! go dave!

ok thats all...laura got shut down about the blood! hope ya'll enjoyed